Since I started my fitness journey, something has been on my mind a lot.
Modesty.
As a member of the LDS church, modesty is a big part of our religion.
Let me preface this by saying that this post is my own OPINION. I have prayed about this and talked to my husband about this and we both feel the same way.
Growing up I was taught that we were to dress modestly. Covered shoulders, shorts at least half way down the leg, no cleavage, clothing not too tight, and no bare midsections. It never really bothered me until I was in high school and my body started to change. It's not really a self-esteem boost when you're pits sweat and you have crazy tacos going on. I wanted to wear tank tops and avoid this embarrassing problem but since I was raised that tank tops were a no-no I resorted to wearing black. Not the brightest idea when you're trying to avoid getting over-hot. BUT it didn't show my pit marks as much.
I was never one that wanted to wear tank tops to show off my spectacularly sculpted arms. (there was sarcasm there if you didn't catch that...) I didn't want to fry. I never wanted to wear short shorts to show off my legs which were, in fact, pretty awesome.
As a dancer, tight clothing was something I was used to wearing and the less clothing you could wear the better. In fact, we were required to wear as little clothing as possible and it had to be form fitting so our teacher could watch our bodies and correct us if we were doing something wrong. As someone who danced 8 hours a day, I was comfortable in my dance clothing. Short shorts and tank tops.
Actually, comfortable isn't the right word. I was comfortable in the sense that I hated clothing. Not comfortable in the sense that I wasn't ok with the way my body looked in them. I was always comparing myself to the size 2's. (I was a size 6)
During performance season, I was used to making quick changes behind stage which meant I had 2-3 people helping me get naked and redressed in a new costume in under 30 seconds. Once you've done that you become pretty comfortable with other people and you lose your sense of personal space. There is no personal space in dance. Now... I never wore the dance costumes that you see now-a-days on these dance shows. We had bare shoulders and short shorts, but no bare stomachs or cleavage and we always wore leotards underneath.
After my college dance days, I got really into fitness. I had always been into working out but it wasn't until a couple of years ago when I started really getting serious about it.
Ok, hold on.... I know I mentioned this earlier, but I need to explain to you the magnitude of how much I loathed clothing. I can count on one hand the amount of times I wore jeans to class. No joke. Give me sweats and hoodies everyday. Some days I would just wear a sports bra and booty shorts under my sweats, then as soon as I got home, BAM! The sweats came off. I hate winter for the mere fact that I have to put more layers on to stay warm. In our first apartment, I would have the heat up to 80 degrees while it was snowing outside. I would be in as little as possible. In fact, as I'm typing this the sweater I'm wearing right now is BUGGING THE CRAP OUT OF ME. Boom. Off.....
Ok, ok ok.... Back to my point....
I went through a period of time where I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. It lasted from Jr. High all the way up until just about a year ago. (10 years) It even got so bad that I was afraid to be intimate with husband. It started affecting our marriage. I ended up seeing a therapist for it which helped. Then I found out I was pregnant. It was one of the best days of my life. I told myself that It was ok for me to eat whatever I wanted because I was prego and that I could just lose the weight after my baby was here. I worked out during my pregnancy and I really didn't gain a ton of weight, but I gained more than I would have liked.
Post partum mommy body is hard to deal with.
I was my heaviest I had ever been. None of my regular clothes fit, and parts of my body that used to not jiggle, now jiggled. It was tough, but I was determined to not fall back into my self-destructive ways. 4 weeks after my little was born, I became a Beachbody coach and started my fitness journey.
It was HARD posting my 'before' picture and sharing my body with the world. I knew I had to do it though if I wanted to not only stay accountable, but also help and inspire other mommy's. I knew what it was like to hate my body, I was ready to know what it felt like to love it.
As I've seen my body change, I have been feeling soooo much better about myself.
I have made it my goal in life to HELP others and hopefully inspire.
To me, that means showing my progress.
When I show my progress, I show my stomach. Part of my progress is getting my ab strength back which means my abs start to show. The biggest difference from my before and during pictures is in my stomach, so yes. I wear a sports bra and workout pants or shorts. To me, that's ok. I don't do it be provocative. I do it to show women that you CAN get your body back after you have a baby. In fact, you can get an even better body!
Because I have chosen to do this, I have been judged and ridiculed.
I treasure my body, and thank God for it everyday. I also treasure the covenants I have made with God and I have a strong testimony of the blessings I receive when I keep those covenants and wear my garments. I don't wear them when I workout, but I put them back on as soon as I get home from teaching or getting my sweat on. Some people workout in them but I don't judge them so why am I being judged for not wearing them?
I have had a lot of health problems and through that have turned to my Lord and Savior for help.
I believe that I have been through what I have been through so I can help others.
I believe that everyone goes through certain trials in their lives so they an be an example and help others.
I believe that I am on the right path for me and sharing my journey is part of that path.
No matter what people say, I will keep sharing my journey and helping others with theirs. I believe that loving yourself is the biggest part of a transformation and I am finally in a place where I love myself.
This is the first year that I have EVER been excited to go swimming. I used to dread putting on a swimming suit.... I would put on a face for everyone because I was embarrassed for being embarrassed about my body.
I was scared to be vulnerable.
I have learned that being vulnerable is the only way to grow. So I will continue to share my journey with the world. I will continue putting myself out there and hopefully inspiring others to make a change for the better. :)
** FYI. It's late... if I ramble... I'm sorry :) I had to get this out though.
